April 17, 2000
Illegal Elian
By now, I'm sure you're all anxiously wondering what is my opinion on the moving and controversial case of little Elian Gonzalez, the refugee Cuban boy who's the subject of the most publicized custody battle since Oedipus.
You may be interested to learn that I have precisely the same position on this issue as I've previously had on O.J. Simpson, Monika Lewinsky, and JonBenet Ramsey, among others:
I don't care.
Actually, let me be more precise:
I DON'T CARE!! I DON'T CARE!!
I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT!!
LEAVE ME ALONE!!
SHUT UP! SHUT UP!! SHUT UP!!!God, please send us an earthquake or an assassination to make this endless soap opera go away. It's been such a dry new period since the implosion of the presidential races that the media have begun to gnaw on their own flesh to try to stay alive. And the public, well we're such sheep we'll plod along with our tongues hanging out in whatever direction the Six O'clock Report tells us, convinced that the subject is actually important, and that we've actually got opinions about it.
I was in a cafe the other day and I overheard a group of white collar ewes debating the Elian story. They were repeating verbatim various arguments that I had (reluctantly) heard on several TV and radio talk shows in recent days.
"After all, the father has a right to his son. A father's love is more important than ideology."
"But he's being used for propaganda by Castro. He'll be brainwashed and forced to live in an oppressive society."
"You know, his mother died trying to give her son freedom."
SHUT UP!!!
I stood up and threw my whole tray at them, splattering hot coffee on their faces and knocking all their Palm Pilots onto the floor. The rest of the placed stood up and clapped, and came over to shake my hand.
Unfortunately, then a giant raccoon with the face of my 5th grade teacher broke through the door and demanded that I hand in my math homework, so I was forced to wake up before I could savor the moment.
Of course, the real tragedy of this distortion of public priorities is that we're paying so much attention to the fate of one little boy, while we're ignoring so many other, vastly more important issues, that affect so many more lives. (I know, because I heard a commentator on PBS say so.) Floods in Zimbabwe, peace negotiations on the Golan, disputed elections in Peru, war in Chechnya, oppression in Tibet . . . Fine, these are faraway places, and what can we do about it all, anyway, right?
Well, in my opinion, if the media somehow collectively fixated on any one of these stories, making it the lead headline for three or four days in a row, with unfolding developments and cross-fire debates over who's right or wrong, pretty soon we would overhear arguments in the supermarket over farm repossessions in Namibia, or whether President Estrada of the Philippines should be impeached. Even better, just as an experiment, wouldn't it be cool if the main media outlets got together and agreed that for one week they would all treat as their top story the controversy over defining a unified theory of quantum mechanics and general relativity? I can just imagine the water cooler conversations:
"All I can say is, Superstring Theory has a lot more going for it than Standard Theory ever had."
"Yeah, like we can really explain the motion of positrons in only 10-dimensional time-space."
"Listen, dude, if we had a black hole right here, you'd be spitting out quarks."
"Okay, I'm game. Whip out your particle accelerator, if you've got the nerve."
Well, we can always dream.
Luckily, I spent last week in Rio de Janeiro, far from the Elian spotlight, so I've managed to regain a little perspective. You know what the huge news story was there, grabbing massive headlines and captivating everyone from taxi drivers to politicians? The fate of the great Rinaldo, the Brazilian soccer god who shattered his leg last week, and will probably never play again.
Okay, so people in other countries also have mixed up priorities. Well, they should shut up, too. Everybody, everywhere, shut up.
DT
Recent ramblings: Today
Democratic Prime Rib (2/1/00) Reform This (2/20/00) Hearts in the Right Place (4/9/00) This now is our third installment in American Politics 2000, a required course in the degree program, How to Survive Democracy. As Campaign 2000 lurches toward new lows of incivility, silliness, and tedium, we bring you the final hope of the American voter: No, not cyanide, I'm talking about the Reform Party. Speaking of impending geriatricity... I must tell you about my latest uncontrollable psychotic obsession -- I mean, hobby.
(Click Elsewhen for the complete list)
© 2000 David N. Townsend
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